Friday, September 12, 2003 @ 12:21am | Entry no.322 | ((sighs)) boys... can't live with em... ||   mood    pissed off   || ||   music    the truth about cats and dogs   || ... and you can't empty a loaded gun into their useless empty heads. I'm reminded of an age old adage; A slut is someone who'll sleep with everyone... a bitch is someone who'll sleep with everyone but you. Brian's pissed at me. It's so very funny. Kept trying to call me a slut, and when I pointed out the fact that I rebuffed him for the past 6 years for sex, he went into this whole little rant. Kept trying to convince himself that he was "too good for me" Ha. What an idiot. I wanted to just rip into him, but... Dee wanted the laptop, and I had to get off. Argh. It would have been nice to completely bitch him out. Anyways, more guys are pissing me off. Even the pretty ones are bothering me. Eff this. I'm going to bed. <33 toodles. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Friday, September 12, 2003 @ 10:50pm | Entry no.323 | "there's lots of pretty, pretty ones... ||   mood    indescribable   || ||   music    the news   || ...that want to get you high but all the pretty, pretty ones will leave you low and blow your mind"    --The Dopeshow, Marilyn Manson I'm quite the jealous one nowadays. I envy the skills of others. I just saw some lovely violin playing. It sounded fantastic, and looked insanely difficult. I wish I had enough time up here to continute my studies, because I really do miss being creative. Since I've been here, my art's suffered. I haven't written anything of substance, haven't drawn a single thing, and haven't practiced any music. I've been looking into private lessons with music teachers here... except, when the heck do I have time to practice that? I'm already learning how to do nails, [[at an incredibly accelerated rate, I might add]], and that alone is driving me crazy, because I'm trying to do my job and learn a whole new skill at the same time. I'll probably wind up a "Jill of all trades" or something. Mummy dearest is keeping my salary now. I'm still holding a good amount of money though. It's not being spent. Well, my tips are. I owe myself 50 dollars. How strange is that? Owing yourself money? Weird. I'm weird. Oh well. There's been a few things troubling me. I'm worried about my brother. For the first time in ages, no one is there to watch him, and there are a few bad eggs around to influence the kid. At least when I was there, I watched out for him, and kept the house in order. I went home a week ago, and the house and yard was completely trashed. What the heck goes on while I'm not there? I also need to have a little "talk" with his girlfriend. My sister and I agreed that if she hurt our brother, we're going to hurt her. How funny is that? The both of us, who are legal, by the way, threatening some 14 year old girl. But, hey, this is my little brother. I don't want to see him hurt, especially by girls, because I know the pain that we can inflict on guys. Girls are friggin ruthless. Anyways. Guys are worrying me too, but thankfully, it's lessening. Work's good like that; it desn't afford me any time to daydream and wonder where the heck I stand with people. It truly bothers me that my morality was attacked. I don't think that I'm a whore, nor a slut, nor whatever else names that Brian decided that he needed to call me. I don't go around sleeping with whoever strikes my fancy. Truth be known, I'm damned picky about who I have as a boyfriend, not to mention how picky I am with who I decide to sleep with. Lots of opportunities for sex... and every time I passed them up, because I do have morals. I do have to live with myself. I weigh my decisions and see if what I want to do will be worth whatever torture I'll put myself through later on. Most of the time, no, it's not worth it. ((sighs)). Bugger. Now I've got guys on the brain again. I need to think of new ways to get back at Brian. Headache. A dull thudding sort of pain that no amount of sleep nor pills'll take away. I only wish it'd go away, but the pounding gradually gets more intense. Bah, it sounds like yet another doctor's appointment for me. How many is it now? Only about sixty billion. I wound up talking to Moni yesterday. She knows my Billy-called-Billiam. She said he's a good kid too. [[not those exact words, but something like it]]. She thought I was 20 though, and was all "eep", because I told her he was 17. Three years. I don't think I could mack on a guy that much younger than I am. It'd be pretty wrong of me; at the moment it will be. I'll probably be chasing after young guys for the rest of my life. They're just so darn cute... and when they're innocent... even better. Fresh meat. ((giggles)) Bah! Friday night, and what am I doing? Typing a damned journal entry. Gosh, what the fascinating life I have. I remember my wild crazy party days. God, I miss them so much right now. Joe, Dee and I all want to do something. Perhaps clubbing. We'll drive into NYC, party the night away, and then drag our asses to work the next morning. Wishful thinking. We're lucky if we can get to Starbucks after work without Mummy dearest calling us and wondering why we aren't home yet. She complains an awful lot, but that's because she doesn't realize how much it sucks that I'm here. I'm so far away from everyone, I'm away from my home, I'm "alone". With each day that passes, I grow farther and farther away from everyone. So, so what if I'm moody in the mornings, because I haven't gotten enough sleep the night before, because I was on the phone with someone who I happen to enjoy talking to? Let me have some sort of a life, even if it's just talking on the phone with someone random. I can't work all the time, because then I'll be made old before my time. I've got to grab my shower now, and pretty myself up for no good reason other than I want to. Maybe I'll go into work tomorrow looking all cute. <33 toodles. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )